Love and Obsession
by Lomesir
Summary: Not all love stories have happy endings. Not all tragedy is resolved. Not all crimes are avenged. Jim is forced to learn these lessons from McCoy's grieving colleague. Rated for implied sexual assault.


His name was Gideon, and it seemed to Jim that there was no one more beautiful.

At first blush, he was fairly average. About Jim's height, not fat or thin or muscular. He was a doctor in Bones' department and worked the same hours, so there was little time for exercise beyond rushing around the medical center. His eyes were green, and they complemented his dark hair.

There was a sweet sadness around him that made him unlike any other person. It was the color in her cheeks, the curve of his lips. A profound understanding of life made his eyes gleam.

Jim was entranced from the very night Bones brought him home.

* * *

_Bringing home friend tonight. Try to keep apartment standing in the meantime. – LM_

Bones' text message provided much distraction all afternoon. Jim calculated the odds of said friend being a date or an actual friend. Did Bones even have any other friends besides him?

He forwent studying for History of Deep Space Exploration to tidy. Throw pillows went back on couches, clutter was cleared from counters, dishes went into the dishwasher. In case Bones' friend was of the hot variety, Jim washed Bones' sheets.

If he were being honest with himself, he'd admit that his cleaning had more to do with not studying and less to do with being a bro.

After sundown Jim decided that Bones would only bring home a lady friend—wishful thinking, perhaps—and made dinner. He was almost finished stir frying the chicken and vegetables when he heard the door unlock.

"I'm in the kitchen, Bones!"

He heard two sets of heavy footfalls and personal items being dropped on the floor. Low voices spoke indistinctly. To Jim's great surprise, they were both male.

Jim turned to greet them, spatula in hand. "Hey, Bones. I hope you don't mind that I made dinner without asking what your friend wanted."

His friend was standing quietly behind Bones, PADD in hand. He ducked his head in greeting, smiling a little shyly. "You must be Jim."

Bones gestured to Jim. "Gideon, this is friend and roommate Jim Kirk. He's a cadet in the command track. Jim, this is Dr. Gideon Leighton, a trauma surgeon. We work together."

Jim put down the spatula and reached forward to shake Gideon's hand. He thought he saw a blush creeping up Gideon's collar, but decided to ignore it. He was probably just a shy kind of guy.

Bones clapped Jim on the shoulder. "Thanks for making some grub, kid. Let's eat."

Gideon didn't speak to Jim for the entire meal.

* * *

Gideon came around a lot after that night.

He joined Bones and Jim for dinner nearly every night they were able to get away from the hospital. Jim found that he didn't mind; Gideon was pleasant guest, and he seemed genuinely interested in Jim's life.

"How's your physics lab coming?" Gideon asked over spaghetti several weeks after they'd met. Jim made a face.

"It's physics. I mean, I get it, but sometimes…"

"You want to claw your brains out?" Gideon supplied, smiling. Jim grinned and nodded. Gideon chewed thoughtfully.

"I had a course in med school called Histology—"

"Oh man, fuck that class," Bones said through a mouthful of garlic bread. Jim shushed him.

"—called Histology, the study of human cells. It's one of the pillars of a medical education, but that doesn't mean it's easy."

Jim was captivated by the way Gideon's lips formed his words.

"Like physics for space travel, it's imperative that everyone treating humans understands how life itself works in the human body." Gideon sipped his water. "I struggled with it more than my gross anatomy class, which is infamous."

Bones nodded emphatically. "I knew a guy who tried to kill himself when he failed his anatomy course and found out he'd have to take it again."

Gideon laughed. "I was approaching that point in Histology. However, I found that tackling it with one other person, in this case my neighbor in the dorms, helped me study and retain information. I was able to review, but there weren't so many people that it got in the way of focusing."

Jim shrugged. "I guess I could try a study group. I've done that before, it didn't seem to make a difference."

Gideon smiled again. It was nice to look at. "That's because you've never studied with me."

Jim and Gideon compared their schedules for the rest of the dinner and made tentative study plans. Bones just looked on thoughtfully, and maybe a little amused.

* * *

"The important thing to remember is to study as you will be tested. If the test is essay questions, learn how to condense the information into that amount. If it's plain old multiple choice, I'll ask you the questions until you remember them."

They were lying on the floor with books and PADDS spread out around them. They'd been studying for two hours already.

"What if it's a group project worth half your grade and your group is full of morons?"

"Then godspeed, good sir."

Jim laughed and closed his lab notebook. "I'm sick of this. Let's get something to eat."

Bones was out for the evening to "do a thing" that suddenly came up. Jim was grateful for the mysterious thing, whatever it was, because Gideon and he were having a blast.

Jim opened the fridge and peered inside. "Okay, we've got old Chinese, old spaghetti, old pizza, and old…um…something." He opened the container and staggered backwards. "Whoa. I think I should send this to the CDC."

Gideon was suddenly behind Jim. "Old Chinese sounds good. I'll get some old dishes out."

Jim heated up the food and sat down at the table with Gideon. They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes until Gideon put down his fork.

"I don't know if Leonard told you, but I used to be engaged."

Jim kept eating. "He didn't tell me that."

Gideon looked wistful. "His name was Timothy. We met in college."

"Was?"

"Car accident, three years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that." He really was.

Gideon stared off the in the distance for a moment, then shook his head a bit. "Wow, sorry to bring down the party."

"Nah, it's nothing."

Gideon sighed. "You just look like him, that's all. Sometimes it startles me. Tim liked Chinese food; we had it at least twice a week."

Jim wasn't sure what to say, so he got up and got a soda. When he returned to the table, Gideon changed the subject.

"Are you dating anyone? Leonard tells me you're quite the ladies man."

Jim flashed him a grin. "Nobody steady, maybe a date here and there. My course load is ridiculous, as you've seen."

Gideon smiled and went to put his plate in the sink.

* * *

Something changed between Jim and Gideon, like a shift in the wind. Gideon stopped coming around to dinner most nights, but he was everywhere during the day. If Jim didn't know better, he'd say that Gideon had quit his job at the hospital to follow Jim around.

At first it was nice. Jim was in the hallway at the academy between classes and Gideon waved to him as he walked by. _What's he doing in the command building?_ Jim wondered, waving back. But Gideon didn't stop to chat, and Jim didn't doubt that he had a perfectly legitimate reason to be there.

He saw him in other hallways too, sometimes between classes and other times when he was hanging around campus with his despised study group, trying to get their project off the ground. Gideon never stopped to speak to Jim, but he was always _there_. If Jim was sitting on the grass outside the student union, Gideon would be many yards away, walking with a sense of purpose into another building. If Jim were walking through the physical sciences building and glanced up at the walkway above, more than half the time he'd see Gideon there, walking in the opposite direction.

After a few weeks of this, Jim couldn't ignore the fact that it bothered him for some reason. His disconcertment was a little wiggling discomfort in the back of his head.

Finally, he talked to Bones about it one night when Gideon was held up in the ER.

"Hey Bones, there's something I've been meaning to talk to you about," Jim said casually, pushing a beer towards his friend.

"Sure, what's going on?" Bones took a sip.

"What's Gideon been doing on campus for the last month?"

Bones eyebrows went up. "Hanging out with you, I thought."

Jim frowned. "Why'd you think that?"

"Well, because he told me as much. Every time he has a break, he tells me he's going to campus to say hi to you." Bones looked almost confused. "Has he not?"

Jim closed his mouth, which had fallen open. "No, he hasn't. I always see him from a distance, but he never stops."

There was silence for a moment.

"Well, he is a shy guy," Bones offered, though without conviction.

Jim finally put the pieces together. "No, I think he's following me."

Bones took another sip of his beer. "I'm not disbelieving you, but why would he do that?"

Jim chewed his lip, thinking. "He told me l look like his dead fiancé. Maybe he's working through some grief."

"By stalking you?"

Jim cringed from the bluntness of Bones' question. "I don't think he's stalking me."

Bones was unconvinced. "If he's following you around campus for no other reason than to follow you, he's stalking you, Jim."

Jim decided to confront Gideon the next time he saw him on campus.

* * *

Gideon didn't show up the next day, or the day after that. On the third day, Jim wondered if Bones said something to him.

He was walking to physics lab on the fourth day when he saw Gideon sitting on a low stone wall outside the engineering facility. He was reading a PADD, not looking in Jim's direction. Jim changed direction and walked towards him.

When Jim approached, Gideon looked up from his PADD and grinned. "Jim! Hi!"

Jim's heart swelled. He looked so _happy_.

"Hi, Gideon," Jim said gently. "What are you doing on campus today?"

"I like to take my breaks on campus, be in the middle of things. It's nice to see you here today."

Jim sat down next to him on the wall. "I've been seeing you around a lot. It's like our paths meet all the time but we're constantly missing each other."

Gideon's eyes were wide and innocent—too innocent. _Never try to con a con_, Jim thought with a little mental laugh. "That's unfortunate."

Jim nodded. "Gideon, I've been thinking about what you told me about Tim," he began quietly. The other man's smile faded. "I really think you need to go see a grief counselor."

Gideon swallowed. "Why would you think that?"

"Because I think when you see me, you see your fiancé."

There was a heavy silence.

"Jim, I know the difference between reality and fantasy."

Jim nodded. "I know you do. But sometimes it's so nice to dream that we forget ourselves." He looked into Gideon's wide, green eyes. "I want to be your friend, but I don't want you to see someone else when you talk to me. I don't want that to be the basis of our relationship. It's not fair to either of us."

Gideon looked down. "You look so much like him. It's…really hard sometimes."

Jim sighed. "I know. Believe me, I know a thing or two about losing people."

"I heard about Tarsus IV," Gideon said quietly. "I'm sorry about that."

Jim was too shocked to be upset about the reference. "Er—yes, thank you. Did Bones tell you about that?" Jim couldn't imagine from where else Gideon would have heard about Jim's past. Gideon nodded.

They talked for a few more minutes and eventually parted ways. Gideon apologized for following Jim around, which Jim accepted. He didn't want to think the worst of Gideon, and he truly understood grief. When Jim walked away, he was happy.

Until he realized that he'd never spoken of Tarsus IV to Bones.

Jim whipped around and watched Gideon's retreating back through narrowed eyes.

* * *

"Gideon quit today," Bones said without preamble when he got home from the hospital.

Jim dropped his PADD's stylus. "Why?"

Bones shrugged. "He said he had other things he needed to focus on and couldn't work there another day."

"That's too bad. I hope he gets the help he needs." Jim had told Bones about his conversation with Gideon, though not about the Tarsus IV part. Right now he was pretending to be a lot more sympathetic than he actually was.

"Does that mean he won't come around anymore?"

Bones dropped into chair. "Probably. I don't suppose that'll be a problem."

"No," Jim said flatly. He went back to his PADD.

* * *

The last thing Jim was aware of after he climbed the stairs to his apartment was the hiss of a hypospray.

* * *

Colors swirled around Jim, without sound or meaning.

Cool air on his body.

A hand on his face.

A whisper indistinct in his ear.

A sharp, burning pain that did not abate.

His mind struggled to focus on any of these. His vision cleared after an uncertain amount of time, and then there was a click and a small pain on his neck. He was pulled into the fog once more.

* * *

He broke through the fog into consciousness some time later. The first thing he was aware of was that his bed smelled different. It smelled like Bones.

"Jim, can you hear me?"

Jim tried to open his eyes and groaned. A pounding headache between his eyes demanded darkness and silence.

"'Zat you, Bones?"

A relieved laugh. "Yes, I'm here. You're in my bed."

Jim cracked an eye open. "Why?"

Bones took a shaky breath. "I moved you from your own. Your sheets were…dirty."

Jim carefully opened his eyes. He was propped up on five or six fluffy pillows. Bones was sitting on the edge of his bed in his hospital uniform. His eyes were oddly bright.

Jim rubbed his forehead. "What the hell happened? I feel like I've been asleep for days."

"About twelve hours, I'd guess."

"Was I hit on the head?"

Bones took a used hypospray out of his pocket. "You were drugged with this."

Jim took it from Bones and examined it, mind sluggishly trying to figure out what Bones was saying.

"Why was I drugged? What happened? Bones, what's going on?"

Bones swallowed and looked away. "I was at work when I got en email from Gideon. It was a suicide note."

Jim's jaw dropped.

Bones continued. "He confessed to—to—drugging you and—" Bones stopped talking and covered his mouth, too overwhelmed with emotion to speak.

"He raped me," Jim murmured. His mind recalled whispers and pain that broke through the haze. What had Gideon said to him before he pushed inside? Jim wasn't sure he wanted to know.

"I ran home after I read the note, but he was already gone and you were bleeding on the bed. I cleaned you up and used a dermal regenerator. You won't have to go the hospital if you don't want to."

Jim pulled Bones into a hug. Bones held Jim impossibly tight. They stayed that way for nearly a minute.

"What happens next?" Jim asked into Bones' shoulder.

"I don't know," Bones said sadly.


End file.
